I learned about planning when I was trained as a life coach in the late 1990’s. The idea of planning was eye opening to me and I noticed that I had not learned to plan in 12-step programs. There I  learned to live “one day at a time,” which was how I lived when I drank too much. “One day at a time” was a helpful concept for staying stopped, but not helpful for effective living. Luckily I got involved in life coaching and began to apply that to my own recovery.

In life coaching training school I was taught that the client names the outcome they are looking for (because it is their life to live). The client is supported in setting a specific goal that is actionable and not a therapy goal that they believe will lead to the outcome they want– and then the planning begins. As a coach, I like the question, “What needs to be true in order for this to happen?” because the answer tells me a lot about what the coachee sees as necessary changes that will have to be made in order to reach the goal.

For instance, the goal of one recovery client was independence.  To feel independent he needed to move out of his parents house. To move out he would need a job and take his medications on his own.  He identified that in order to get a job he would need to get up earlier. When asked what barriers that might get in the way of getting up earlier, he identified staying up too late or taking his meds too late. We talked about sleep and meds and the action steps he would take in the coming week: buying an alarm clock, setting his phone cue him when to take meds, and taking a shower when he first wakes up so the didn’t fall back asleep. Those were the first steps towards his independence. He was excited because he had identified what he wanted and what it would take to get there.

In addiction recovery rehabs, clients are often handed an exit plan that tells them the things they should do to avoid relapse such as go to meetings, get a sponsor, hire a therapist etc. The plan is usually organized around staying away from substances, but may not really speak to what the client wants from life– the “why it would be worth it to stay abstinent” is often missing. A recovery plan that is handed to the client, and which is not connected with a life goal they deeply care about  and which doesn’t come with ongoing support can set a client up for failure and relapse.

By contrast, a recovery life coach involves the coachee in the goal setting and planning process and sticks around while the coachee tries to carry out their plan. In any setting, executive coaching or recovery coaching, a plan invariably needs adjusting. The coach helps the client to identify what the breakdown was, and find a way to get past it– or find a way to cope if it can’t be changed. In an ongoing relationship organized around the client’s wants and needs, the life coach provides accountability, celebrates successes, cheers the coachee on, and asks what they learned when there are set backs and helps to adjust the plan as needed.

Because the plan is one the coach and coachee made and work on together,  the client is invested in it and he or she begins to have hope of a better life. Exit plans handed to people leaving treatment often fail because they the client has not been actively involved in their creation, and because the plan is organized about not doing something (don’t drink, don’t use)  and because no ongoing support is provided to carry out the plan.

The person supported by a professional recovery life coach is set up for success. They don’t give up easily or use whenever things don’t turn out as expected. They know they have a coach who won’t judge or over-react, but rather will help them identify what went wrong and decide what to try next. Supported by a life coach they learn to apply ongoing effort and baby steps. They learn to never give up.  They experience to joy of success. In time, by setting goals, making plans and taking actions with the support of their coach, they create a satisfying life in recovery. One worth staying in recovery for.

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• I found this quote very inspiring. It’s from “Treating Addiction” by Willliam R. Miller et. al. ”…addictions are highly treatable, and a variety of effective treatment methods are available . When people who have developed alcohol/drug dependence recovery, they really get better. You don’t need subtle psychological measures to see the change. They look better. They feel better. Their family and social functioning tends to improve. The are healthier and happier. They fare better at work, school, and play. And, contrary to public opinion, most of them do recover. “

• One of my clients, who hired me to help her become a moderate drinker, buys wine in half-size bottles that only hold three drinks, which is her moderation standard.

• Make friends with writing down each drink. You can chose each one but it requires that you actually chose each one. That said, I should be tracking my money. Okay. I’ll get going again.

• Sorrow is natural after losing a pet. One way to honor your pet is to feel your feelings for them which drinking will numb. I have come to prefer to be in choice rather than reaction, and learned slowly to make choices based on  principles I care about, rather than on my moods which come and go.

• I like your question of who will I be if I am not a heavy drinker. I got to a point where I felt like I had learned all I could about suffering and hangovers and bad boyfriends. It was only by abstaining that I could learn something new about myself. I found out that I was ambitious, a hard worker, creative and funny. I didn’t know that when I drank.

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Alida Schuyler MS, PCC, is a leading expert, trainer, speaker and consultant for Recovery Coaching worldwide. She is co-founder of Recovery Coaches International and Director of Crossroads Recovery Coaching Inc.

Drama

My client finds that she gets weepy in the afternoons and consoles her self with a glass of red wine or sometimes two or three. She hates that some times she gets too high to function well, but isn’t sure she is ready to quit entirely.

I am a Recovery Life Coach. I work with people who are in recovery, or are seeking recovery, and with people who have relapsed. Some times we coach about how to get into recovery, come times about how to enjoy life now that they are doing well, and sometimes the agenda is general life challenges with money or relationships. In this blog I describe how I work with my recovery clients as a life coach.

A basic tenet of all life coaching is that the client sets the agenda; that is client sets the direction the goals, and chooses the actions they are willing to take to meet them. I apply that tenet to my coaching. I don’t insist on any one way to recover—I meet the person where they are, stoned or sober, and see where they want to go. If I think I can help them I’ll offer a complimentary consultation.

Free CCC

A Complimentary Coaching Consultation (CCC) allows the person to see if they like coaching and get a feel for how I work. They send me written answers beforehand about what they want most to accomplish in the next year. I learn a lot about my potential client during their CCC. Do they show up on time? Can they send an email, do they answer fully, are their thoughts coherent or jumbled etc. I get clues about their level of functioning and capacity, and a sense whether coaching will work for them.

At the beginning of the consultation the client is coached and receives valuable support.  I let them know how I could help them with their particular situation. Toward the end of the call we pause to talk about whether we want to work together. If we both want to we discuss fees and future sessions.

The CCC session ends with an assignment— if we have decided not to work together I’ll offer a referral to a therapist or addiction counselor or another coach—if we have decided we want to work together they are given a New Client Inventory.

Values and a Messy Desk

The inventory asks about the important people in their life, little stuff that has been bugging them like a messy desk, goals, values, and a bit of their history re drugs and treatment. We’ll talk more in the upcoming weeks about their relationship with alcohol or other drugs and how it fits in with their goals and values.

Foundation Building

The first four to six weeks of working with a new client is devoted to building the foundation for our work together, developing rapport, gathering history and context, setting the direction, and making small changes. I want people to be well prepared for the changes they want to make. They need to understand themselves, what motivates them to want to change, the barriers they will face, and who will support the intended change.

Must Haves & Can’t Stands

We’ll discuss what works or doesn’t work in supporting them, and what they liked or disliked about working with previous therapists, sponsors, coaches, or counselors. I ask permission to ask tough questions and to speak plainly. We discuss their “must haves” and “can’t stands” and talk about how to be together as coach and client if things get tough, or should they relapse.  I ask all my clients to have not only a

plan for the change they are seeking, but also a plan for what to do in case of a relapse.

At the same time we are exploring what it is like to be coached. Each session begins by asking about what went well in the previous week, how their fieldwork went and what they learned. They are learning to look for what is going well in their life, to live from choice, and to have consistent accountability. The client is learning to trust and to set the direction each week for the coaching. They are learning that they are responsible for the choices they make and that they can say yes or no or renegotiate any coaching request.

Getting Ready

By now the client may be getting ready to take action on dealing with their drug use (or other challenge brought to coaching). My client decides where they think they should begin, based on discussions of what they have tried previously and what that want. For instance, they may want to try to moderate or control their drinking, or to continue to use but with fewer negative consequences, or to pursue abstaining via 12-step or alternative support.

Personal Preference

Though I have a personal preference for 12-step recovery I don’t force it on my clients. I let them know the facts: that Alcoholic Anonymous is the single most successful way to recover from alcoholism, and half the people who achieve and maintain abstinence use AA; the other half use a variety of support alternatives (such as SMART or Women for Sobriety or church) or do it on their own.

Control

I support my client to start addressing their overdrinking or drugging wherever they are willing to start. If they want to try to control their alcohol use we talk about how to track each drink and stay in a safe blood alcohol range. Many find value in trying to control their use, if only to find out that it is really challenging and requires vigilant effort. Research shows that among those who get help to control their drinking, about 1 in 7 is able to control their drinking without further problems while 1 in 4 opts for and sustains abstinence.

Clean Crack Pipes

Some people don’t want abstinence, they want to use but have fewer problems. I help such clients via harm reduction. I helped one client who said he was no longer interested in 12-step recovery make a harm reduction plan for smoking crack that included finding a reliable dealer, a safe place to use, new clean crack pipes, and a regular sex partner. He found to his surprise that he was utterly unable to follow his own plan when smoking crack. His commitment to12-step recovery was strongly renewed by his venture into harm reduction. He said it got rid of his “if onlys”. Unfortunately this client still experiences relapse.

Relapse Coaching

I coach those who are in relapse, so long as they can show up and benefit from coaching. Some can and some can’t. It did doesn’t make sense to me to drop people when they are using and in the most danger.

Progress in coaching is definitely slower when clients are using. We usually focus on staying safe and not harming others. I may ask them to limit drinking to no more than three standard drinks after work. Or to not smoke pot in the house or in front of the children. I ask them to keep a “mood and use” journal so we can see what patterns cause them to overdrink or use such as “Did I get angry and go to a bar after skipping lunch?” We look for ways to increase stability such as eating regular meals, and healthy ways to increase happiness such as getting regular exercise. We look for ways to enjoy life and celebrate positive changes.

Conclusion

As a Recovery Life Coach I am committed to helping my clients enjoy life and achieve the goals they choose. I believe there is very natural fit between Recovery Life Coaching and addiction recovery. My clients like the strengths-based approach coaching uses. They like being trusted to figure our what is best for them. They like celebrating their wins with me and making steady progress toward their goals. They like working on their whole life and not just on drug problems. My clients make steady progress toward their goals. They come back each week because I believe in them and am committed to helping them do what ever it takes to enjoy life in recovery.

The woman who drank wine and got weepy– I coached her first around stabilizing her blood sugar (eating regular meals with lots of protein). She was able to do that, and felt better. After a few months of coaching around her drinking, she agreed to go to an AA meeting and check it out. She has been sober ever since….

If you are interested in Recovery Life Coaching and want to receive a Complimentary Coaching Consultation or be put on my mailing list, please email coachalida@gmail.com

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The hardest thing about getting rid of the clutter in my papers and files is having to think clearly about how to organize them.  That and my own resistance to the task itself. Of course resistance often takes the form of confusion. Basically the whole thing annoys me in a sort of “If I new where to put this stupid piece of paper I would have put it there by now ” kind of way.

I both feel too old to fight with who I am and I truly want to be able to find things easily. I have been working on how to overcome the clutter while honoring who I am.  I have turned to Chaos Theory for help.

Chaos Theory is basically the geometry of the natural world.  Fractals, organic growth, and the order in apparent disorder.  According to Wikepedia, chaos theory describes the behavior of certain nonlinear dynamical systems. In ecology, chaos theory can explain how small random events may affect ecosystems in an unpredictable way. [This explains how my office becomes a mess.]

Among the characteristics of chaotic systems is the sensitivity to initial conditions (air moved by the butterfly wing creates a typhoon; the unfiled papers become stacks that fall over). As a result of this sensitivity, the behavior of systems that exhibit chaos appears to be random even though the system is deterministic. Examples of such systems include the atmosphere, the solar system, plate techtonics and apparently my office.

Embracing Chaos means I get to let go of linear order. I once bought Paper Tiger filing software and spent days cataloging and entering all my papers in a computer program so I could find stuff by word search. “Where the hell is my Focusing Script.” was answered by entering it either by ‘focusing’ or by ‘Gendlin’ and VOILA there was the information that it was in file #437. But I hadn’t put the Focusing Script back the last time I used and it was really in one of the several stacks near my desk. Paper Tiger and other linear order systems only work if you put files back.

I next developed a filing system that follows order based a) physical location– e.g. where I might reach to look for something (as in “What do I want in my desk file drawer, the locked filing cabinet, or under my bed?”) and b) conceptual order– e.g. how do I think of my business, and how do I think of my  life?  (as in “I this something I do myself such as coach my private clients? Something my business offers like the Recovery Coaching Circle? Or something I do for fun like knitting).

This location and concept system was better because I can change the order of my files and boxes as my business and life change and grow.  For instance, I now have people who do some of the teaching in my Recovery Coaching school, and they expect me to know where the curriculum is and to be able to access it easily. It is intuitively clear that the stuff within arms reach should be handy and pertinent things I use often. Other stuff can live in the filing cabinet several steps away, in the office closet, down stairs or under my bed. While this latest system is better, it still only works if I put things back. Which left on my own,  I don’t.

My latest effort has been to hire someone who will gather things up and get them ready to be put back where they belong. I have come to accept that I will always believe that I have better things to do than tidy up. I swear that I am better than I used to be (ask Paul– he lives with me) but I am still not good enough to meet my own office standards. My hired help puts away my books, takes the socks to my bedroom (how do socks end up on floor of my home office?) and collects the papers to file.  I actually put them away with her standing there. If we do it once a week it only takes about 15 minutes to file and then she dusts and vacuums. This is regular attention to small things is working quite well assuming we do it every week. I love the way my office looks when we are done. The chaos is really decreasing.

Chaos Theory reminds me to be disciplined in small ways based on the sensitivity of initial conditions. If I take the time  to put away the 6 or 7 things that have appeared on my desk today, (which I will do if my desk is otherwise clean) I won’t be depressed by the site of it tomorrow, and by having regular help, I  am not overwhelmed at having 30 or 50 things to but away by the end of the week. Now that I am attending to the small stuff regularly (with or without help) I no longer go into fear-based procrastination to avoid the whole mess.  Most of all, I love that by embracing Chaos Theory I have found find a natural order that works for me and my business.

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This was recently published in my Summer 2011 Newsletter

By Alida Schuyler

Seattle Counseling Services, a nonprofit agency dedicated to the lesbian, gay, and transgender community runs a weekly group called “Meth Madness.” Meth Madness is a support group open to users even if high or tweaking. Attendees talk in safe surroundings with current and former meth users. Trained counselors offer support and teach how to stay hydrated and take care of veins, how to keep your teeth, and how to avoid contracting Hep C or HIV. The Meth Madness group created a surprising demand for abstinence-based treatment. Meth users who came for six months or so wanted help to quit meth entirely. Demand for help was so high that the agency started an abstinence-based treatment program.
Dirty Words

“Moderation,” “harm reduction” and “control” seem like dirty words to many of us. The thought of trying to control their drinking seems like sheer madness to those in long-term recovery. Moderation makes much more sense to those starting out, trying to figure out what to do about the problems they are experiencing. Our failure to include moderation and harm reduction among our treatment protocols limits the options available to persons facing problems. Such lack of options means overdrinkers and drug users continue longer at dangerous levels.

Abstinence Exclusive

It is sad but well known that most people wait a long time to get help for drug or drinking problems, and that most people relapse after addiction treatment. There is ample research-based evidence that we could reach people sooner and help relapsers minimize harm from use. Unfortunately most treatment centers focus exclusively on abstinence and 12-step facilitation. Many people believe that offering abstinence-based treatment is incompatible with moderation or minimizing harm. Research shows that programs designed to control or to minimize harm can lead participants to choose abstinence.

Not Ready for a Name

I am concerned that AA facilitation and abstinence-only programs may unintentially act as barriers that prevent many from seeking help. Though deeply grateful for my own 12-step experiences, I recognize that 12-step concepts such as “disease” and “powerlessness,” or relying on a “Higher Power,” and labels such as “alcoholic” or “addict” are hard for many to swallow. Yet more than ninety percent of the treatment programs in the United States are dedicated to abstinence and twelve-step facilitation. Many people who drink too much are unable to get help because they are not ready to be labeled or consider lifelong abstinence. 12-steppers conveniently say they have not hit bottom.

Dead Drunk

We used to believe that people had to hit bottom before they were willing to do anything about their drinking. Now we know that hitting bottom may be too late. For many, Dr Phil suggests, bottom is “six feet deep.” Research by William R Miller (of Motivational Interviewing fame) suggests that overdrinkers are willing to do something about their drinking, but before they opt for abstinence they would like to try to control their drinking. It seems natural to them to try moderation before choosing abstinence. If we help them try to moderate some will succeed and some will fail and some will opt for abstinence. What is important is that people face their problems sooner when moderation is an option. I would like to see abstinence-based treatment centers offer local programs for controlling or moderating drinking.

Do Something About Your Drinking

Offering local programs for moderating drinking will allow more people to face their drinking problems sooner. Miller’s tools for reducing drinking are offered in his research-based book Controlling Your Drinking. His program helps people who are experiencing problems with their drinking consider how much they drink, name the problems they experience, and make a decision to “do something about their drinking.” Participants go on to assess their levels of drinking in comparison to other Americans, and consider how likely they are to moderate. Participants are encouraged to take a two-week break from drinking, learn to track their drinking and estimate blood alcohol concentration, and set goals for safe drinking. Over a four-to-six week period they practice slowly reducing their alcohol consumption to a problem-free level and keeping it there. Research participants were followed for a period of three to eight years after completing the program. Outcomes from Miller’s research program are encouraging but not rosy.

Something Positive

Miller’s researchers found that in the year before follow-up about 15% (one in seven) had maintained complete moderation throughout the year (drinking less than 3 standard drinks per day and less than 10 drinks per week). Another 23% (almost one in four) reduced their drinking significantly to an average of 14 drinks per week but still experienced occasional alcohol-related problems. Another one in four (24%) had been totally abstinent for the previous year. Unfortunately more than one in three (37%) continued to drink at heavy and harmful levels. On the other hand almost two out of three (63%) were able to do something positive about their drinking by trying moderation. For one in four, starting with moderation lead them to choose abstinence.

The Harm Reduction Effect

When treatment programs limit their focus to abstinence they miss a second opportunity: to effectively help those who relapse. Reports of typical relapse rates suggest that more than 2 out of 3 relapse after treatment. Some reports put the rate as high a 9 out of 10. But this news may not be a bad as it sounds. I believe that a harm reduction effect occurs as a result of abstinence-based treatment. I believe this because about six years ago I heard a radio interview with a man from California who talked about why California offered free chemical dependency treatment to anyone who wanted it.

Staying Out of Trouble

The state found that significant money was saved when it offered free treatment. However, most of the people who went through treatment did not remain abstinent. But those who went through treatment got in less trouble and made few demands on social services. California saved money because over all there were fewer trips to the emergency room, less domestic violence and child abuse across the state, and fewer arrests and incarcerations. Such savings occurred even though most who went through treatment went back to using alcohol and other drugs.

Unintentional Harm Reduction

I concluded that going through treatment has an unintentional harm-reduction effect. That makes me wonder what would happen if treatment centers intentionally taught harm reduction to persons going through abstinence-based treatment? After all, addiction is defined as a “chronic relapsing disease,” so it makes sense that people should learn how to minimize harm in case of relapse. I don’t believe that learning about harm reduction will make someone more likely to relapse any more than having a plan in case of fire will cause a fire. Still many are afraid to teach harm reduction.

The Safest Thing

Some people object to harm reduction (or moderation) because they believe that it promotes or condones drug use. Harm-reduction educators point out that abstinence is offered as one of many options in harm reduction and is recommended as the safest thing to do. But they accept that, in spite of the risks, many people choose to use alcohol and other drugs. Harm-reduction educators teach the safest ways to use alcohol and drugs, how to minimize use, avoid drunk driving or contracting Hep C and HIV, how to plan for safer use, and how to avoid harming their family (don’t use in front of the kids). They help individuals and families stabilize as they reduce or eliminate risky behaviors. And just as in the Seattle Meth Madness group, many users who come for harm reduction decide they want help to stop entirely. Many go to treatment and succeed in maintaining abstinence, but of course some relapse.

Alumni Support for Relapsers

Given the high rates of relapse after treatment it seems sensible to teach harm reduction as part of treatment. Teaching abstinence-only practices can isolate the relapsed user for prolonged periods of harmful use. This is dangerous to the person who relapses but also dangerous to their children, partners, families, and communities. I would also like to see treatment centers offer harm-reduction groups and support to alumni who have relapsed so they are less isolated and have structure that helps them make positive changes. Alumni programs should offer help and support to all their alumni—not just those who are successful at staying abstinent.

More Interest In Treatment Services

What would happen if treatment centers across the country accepted the natural patterns of addiction (that people want to try control before trying abstinence, that many who try abstinence end up continuing to drink and drug, that sustained abstinence is a great goal but one that some never reach)? What would happen if treatment centers offered moderation classes to those who want to try doing something about their problems, 12-step facilitation and other options for those seeking abstinence, included harm reduction education in treatment, and offered harm reduction support for alumni? I believe treatment centers would see increased interest in their services. Problem drinkers and druggers would get more effective help sooner and many would choose to become abstinent. People experiencing relapse would stay safer, and as California found, this would significantly reduce the costs to communities.

It is time to accept that moderation and harm reduction are research-based and clinically-effective practices that often lead to abstinence. I would like moderation and harm reduction to be the bookends of the abstinence services currently offered. Treatment centers that do embrace moderation and harm reduction will be extremely popular, will make more money, and save any number of lives.

Please forward this article to key people in your treatment community. For more information, contact Crossroad Recovery Coaching director Alida Schuyler at coachalida@gmail.com

Copyright 2011 Crossroads Recovery Coaching, Inc.

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Lord please be with me while I lie to myself

to my sponsor

coach

friends

mother

while I get high and try just one more time

to find that moment that has me by the balls

that moment I’d give my life

career

pride

body for

that moment that doesn’t last

past the pain

but I believe is just around

the next corner

in the next pipe

man

butt

video.

But for you Lord I’d be alone

with all of this

but by your grace

you are with me whether you like it

or not.

Let’s face it some days

I hate myself more than you can punish me

more than I can run

more than I can smoke

more than I could just die

to feel better than I do now.

Lord please be with me

I give you my cravings

my longings

my sins

my sighs and all my lies

and all the days I have left in this mess

I give you my mind

my heart

my dick

my belly

my butt.

Love me Lord

and if you feel like it

save me.

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“Beth, ”a 19-year old who relapsed after in-patient treatment for alcohol, pot, and meth, was referred to me by a therapist. Beth was on medications for bi-polar and ADHD, lived with her mother, was unemployed, drinking and smoking pot, and had a history of cutting. Would I be willing to coach her?

Doesn’t sound like an ideal coaching client, does she?  I saw a lot of red flags, and I’m a professional Recovery Coach. People call me when they know someone who needs help with recovery from addiction. I coach people to stop alcohol or other drugs using 12-step or other support, or to make a plan to cut back, or to go to treatment or not. I help people coming home from treatment stay on track and in recovery. The first time I talked to Beth she was scraping out a pot pipe, hoping to get a buzz.

We talked about the futility of getting high from pipe scrapings, and about choice and compulsion in regard to drugs, and set a time to talk about coaching. Neither was sure that coaching was a good idea: Beth already had a therapist and a psychiatrist, and I didn’t know if she was coachable.

Coachable or Not
Many coaches assume that those who abuse drugs are not coachable. For them coaching is about helping people get from good to great but not from lousy to great. They forget that addiction affects all levels of society and that there are both high and low functioning people who drink too much. How can a coach know whom to coach? By screening each prospective client.

An Actionable Goal
I asked Beth what she would most like to change about her life. Beth said that if she lived on her own, she’d feel better about her life. I asked what would make that possible. Beth said taking her own meds (without Mom’s help) and getting a job.

Since she was able to name an actionable goal, we discussed what was expected in coaching and she agreed to give it a try. I let her know I couldn’t coach her if she missed calls, came intoxicated, or did not benefit from coaching.

The Potential of Addicts
The ICF defines coaching as “partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential.” Addiction drastically interferes with potential. Those who resolve their addictions can move from lousy to great. Recovery Coaching helps that happen more quickly.
The Advanced Skills of Recovery Coaching
To coach addiction recovery clients effectively it is important to have advanced skills in increasing motivation and confidence. Low self-esteem is common, and motivation and confidence waver. Recovery Coaches must be effective at finding and leveraging strengths and be patient with those whose self-efficacy varies.
It is also important to be able to coach effectively all the way through change process from “Who me?” (denial) through “Yes, but” (contemplation) on to making a decision, and setting and carrying out recovery goals. Relapse is common in persons trying to change their habits with alcohol and other drugs, yet there is promising clinical evidence that coaching reduces relapse.

Developmental Coaching
Recovery Coaches must also coach to improve general development and awareness. People who lived in active addiction often have gaps. They may be very good on the job but a poor communicator at home. They may have great interpersonal skills but be lousy with money. Recovery Coaches work with clients to leverage their strengths while identifying and resolving struggles. We coach to increase awareness of choice and responsibility, to identify and meet needs, rather than turning to addictive substances when uncomfortable feelings come up.

Beth’s Progress Report

It took Beth a few months to get her on her feet and employed. Early coaching was about waking up and taking showers and going out the door. Within a year she was living on her own. Today Beth is a trusted and reliable employee. She has three years of sobriety in Alcoholics Anonymous. Last year she finished a yearlong massage school program. She still has a psychiatrist and a therapist and me, her Recovery Coach. In the past four years Beth moved from really lousy to pretty darn good, and I look forward to coaching her all the way to great now that she is solidly in addiction recovery.

Summary
Professional Recovery Coaches are highly trained coaches. We screen our clients for coachability and work with those who define actionable goals, who co-create the relationship, and benefit from coaching.

Next Steps

Send this article to your fellow coaches, to family members or those suffering from addiction. If you would like to refer to a Recovery Coach or learn more about Crossroads Coaching trainings contact Alida Schuyler at alidacoach@crossroadscoaching.net.
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Alida Schuyler (pronounced AL-ih-duh SKY-luhr) began coaching in 1997, graduated from Academy for Coach Training (now InviteChange) in 1999 and began training Recovery Coaches in 2003. She is co-founder of Recovery Coaches International and has an active practice based in Port Angeles, Washington.

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So why repeat a mantra? Why say something over and over?

Again & Again, Over & Over, Repeat
It helps our mind focus on a single thought. Mantras are repeated again and again. Thoughts that occur frequently become wrapped in myelin. Myelin is what the brain uses wrap neural pathways in so that we can do things more easily and quickly. The things we do or think of frequently get wrapped in extra myelin. Adding myelin is like increasing bandwidth so a thought can come up faster and stronger in the future. Lots of myelin provides a superhighway for common thoughts. This is great for remembering your loved ones, but it is all too easy to have thoughts come up about sex or drugs.

What To Do
If you walk an elephant through an open market their trunk will be reaching for mangoes and bananas. Unless you give them a stick to carry with their trunk. When their trunk is busy holding the stick they stop reaching for goodies. They say the mind is like the restless trunk of an elephant—always reaching for something. Giving your mind a mantra to repeat is like giving an elephant a stick to carry. No more restless searching. A mantra gives our minds something safe or positive to think about.

So if we can’t we can’t get rid of the myelin superhighways we have built around our drug of choice or favorite way to act out, what can we do? Is a mantra going to be enough to ward off obsessive thoughts and cravings?

Probably not. Are we condemned to be tormented by unwanted thoughts? Must elephants wander wherever they want? Are we doomed to acting out compulsively? Must we allow elephants to go on a rampage? Fortunately not. There are many ways to work with your brain and your sanskaras. We can manage the elephants! Here are four ways.

You Are Not Your Thoughts
A very powerful step toward managing obsessive thoughts it to begin simply watching them without reacting. It is possible to neutrally observe what you are thinking about. As you begin to notice your addiction-related thoughts, “Oh, I am thinking about a glass of scotch. Dewar’s on the rocks,” ask yourself what prompted the thought and listen to the answer. For instance, “It is getting toward the end of my work day and I want to relax with a cocktail.”

Who’s Watching?
Noticing your thoughts helps you to realize that you are the Observer, not the observed. You can watch yourself think about elephants without becoming an elephant. You can watch yourself want a glass of whiskey and be separate from both the whiskey and the wanting. This is an important degree of separation from thoughts and cravings.

A Better Way of Coping
Observing our thoughts and desires allows us to disidentify with what we are thinking and wanting. It also allows us to find another way to meet our needs. One definition of addiction is that it is simply mal-adaptive coping. When we can observe our wants we can find other ways to cope with stress, other ways to meet our needs. We can then ask, “What would be a better way for me to relax than to drink scotch? Maybe I could take a walk…”

Once you become an observer of thoughts and feelings you will notice that they come and go on their own. Even intense thoughts or feelings will fade or diminish if you simply watch them.

Not Just No, Hell no!
What if you don’t want to watch your thoughts? Is that the only way? Nope. Another way of managing thoughts is to refute or challenge them. This serves to a) interrupt them, and b) offer another perspective. For instance, if I find myself wanting to smoke a cigarette, I might imagine an overflowing ashtray, stained teeth, a cigarette put out in a plate of food, a cigarette butt floating in a beer bottle. Come up with as many disgusting thoughts as needed until the desire goes away.

All The Way Through
Or I can think the whole scenario through to the end, “If I smoke one, I will want another. And other. Then my clothes will stink. And my hair and my breath. My spouse will know I am smoking again. I’ll end up buying a pack. Two packs. I will have to tell my friends. My lungs will hate me. My child will be disgusted…”

New Superhighways
The third way of managing thoughts relates again to myelin production in our brain. We can’t get rid of the neural pathways we already have but we can build new ones. If we have been addicted to anything we have built myelinated superhighways leading directly to our drug of choice. Our brains light up at the thought of booze, sex, crack cocaine. We need competing pathways. We need to distract our minds by directing them to something else If we do something often enough we will have made a new neural superhighway.

If You Build It…
To make competing myelin and healthy new superhighways for your thoughts to go down, take up a hobby. No, I’m not kidding.  Try chess, or fly fishing, or black and white photography, or the flute. It doesn’t matter what you pick so long as it has a chance of keeping your attention. So pick something promising. Something cool, rad, or interesting. Practice everyday. Think about when you aren’t actively practicing. You’ll be building myelin with every thought and action. It’s okay if you become obsessed about it. It is way better to be obsessed with your hobby than to be obsessed about sex or drugs.

Sanskaras
The fourth way of becoming free of repetitive thoughts is to stop creating new sanskaras. Sanskaras are impressions that are collected in our subconscious mind. We form impressions of everything we have ever done, thought, felt, or said. Sanskaras of a similar type clump together in our subconscious and are the basis for the thoughts that come up and form urges. People who have addictions have formed many, many sanskaric clumps around something that harms them.

Sanskaras are responsible for those thoughts that seem to come out of now where.  Thoughts create more thought sanskaras, feelings create more feeling sanskaras, and physical acts create more physical sanskaras. Mental sanskaras bring forth thoughts of wanting, “I think I’ll have a drink.” Feeling sanskaras bring forth feelings about wanting, “I need a smoke, damn it.”  Physical sanskaras make you want to go do it, “Let’s go buy some pot.” When we try to change our habits it is as if all the sanskaras get stirred up and come to consciousness in thought after thought, image after image, urge after urge to do the very thing we are trying to avoid. But the sanskaras will wear out if you don’t act on them.

Not acting on them means not picking up the drink, the cigarette, the joint, or the crack pipe. If you don’t act on your thoughts, you won’t create new sanskaras, and old ones will slowly wear out. When your thoughts are not rewarded they eventually go away. The elephants move on if you don’t feed them.

Summary
Bottom line: we don’t have to let obsessive thoughts take over or lead us to do things that make us unhappy. We can distract or interrupt our thoughts. We can become observers and watch thoughts and feelings come and go as if we were watching ships come in and leave a harbor. We can find better ways to meet our legitimate needs—ways that don’t cause us harm. We can build new and healthy interests that become new superhighways for our attention. And finally, we can wear out our sanskaras by not acting upon them.

None of us need to feel bullied by thoughts that charge in like rogue elephants. We can recognize that these are only thoughts, only feelings and if we do nothing to encourage them they will go away. Yes, thoughts of using may come up, but now we have choice in how we react or respond. We can think and choose our way to a better life.

Copyright 2011 Crossroads Recovery Coaching, Inc.

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A Bursting Star
The first time I googled the term Recover Coach there were no hits at all. I launched the first Recovery Coaching website about seven years ago. Now there are over seven million hits–Recovery Coaching has exploded! Unfortunately right now there are shards and splinters. Do you know what a Recovery Coach is? Not many people do…

From State to State
At last count there were twenty-three states involved in Recovery Coaching. But what they teach and what they call themselves differs from state to state, and from school to school. Some have nothing really to do with coaching at all.

Many people call themselves Recovery Coaches. Some call themselves “peer-recovery coaches.” Some use the term “Recovery Support Specialists” or “Sober Coach” or “Peer Recovery Support Specialists.” Will the real Recovery Coach please stand up?

Definitions
A professional Recovery Coach is someone trained as a life coach to help people in or facing recovery from addiction produce extraordinary results in their lives, careers, businesses, or organizations while advancing recovery from addiction. Look for a Recovery Coach who is credentialed by the International Coach Federation or Recovery Coaches International (coming soon).

A sober coach is another word for a sober companion—they stay around the clock with their client. Part bodyguard and part sponsor, they are especially used in the entertainment industry.

A recovery support specialist (RSS) or peer recovery support specialist is a paraprofessional who helps people get to treatment, find local resources for housing etc., and shares what they have learned in recovery. In some states RSSers bill Medicaid for their services. Many RSSers are called recovery coaches or peer recovery coaches.

More Support For a Longer Time
Maybe all this is just a passing fad. Trends come and go. One thing is certain: the relapse rates indicate that people facing addiction need more support than they are currently getting for a significantly longer period of time. Recovery Coaches provide support as long as is needed to prevent relapse and establish a meaningful life. Without support most people relapse.

Reducing Relapse
Some people say three out of four relapse after treatment. Others say four out of five. Whatever the number, relapse rates have been so high that something needs to change. Our clinical experience shows that working with a Recovery Coach helps people find solutions to problems, enjoy life more, and reduces relapse.

Many Still Need Treatment
Treatment is vitally important for many, but people need more help after they get out. So many people relapse before ever finding a sponsor that simply telling people to go to AA and get a therapist after treatment is clearly not a sound exit plan. That’s why Recovery Coaching was developed. To help people stay in recovery and enjoy recovery.

So Many to Chose From
There are so many types of recovery coaches and coaching schools and trainings… so how to chose? Is it okay to be a peer recovery support specialist? Absolutely, in terms of tuition it may be your most affordable choice. However peer recovery coaches make significantly less than professional Recovery Coaches. What they learn is different too. Let’s hear from someone who has been to three coaching schools.

Bev’s Story
One of my students, a gal named Bev, told me this story. She had graduated from an accredited life coaching school when she decided to work with families facing addiction. She felt like she didn’t know enough so she went to a local community recovery coaching school. During her training there the instructor said again and again, “Students, you can’t do that—but Bev can because she is trained as a life coach.” Bev said that they didn’t really learn how to coach there, only how to handle certain situations that might come up, such as domestic violence or mental health needs. When she was done with the local training she still didn’t feel well trained, but didn’t want to pay for another training. It was a hard decision to attend a third coaching school, but she enrolled at Crossroads.

Confident Expertise
Bev is going to graduate from Crossroads Recovery Coaching Certification program next week. She has strong confidence in her skills after taking our yearlong training and knows she is now recognized as an expert family coach in the addiction community. She loves being a professional Recovery Coach and helping families facing addiction. Bev tells me often how glad she is that she took this training.

Hazelden MORE Program
Hazelden sends MORE coaches to Crossroads Recovery Coaching Certification training, as do other innovative treatment centers. Crossroads has a reputation for excellence, and our students become leaders in the industry.

May Recovery Coach Training
Would you like to know more about how to become a professional Recovery Coach? You can learn more at http://tinyurl.com/4fxvfrg. Or call enrollment counselor Deborah Drake 425-223-5335.

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When we are new to recovery, coffee is the substitute for a drink in our hands, or a joint in our lips. It gives newcomers something to do when they come in the door of a meeting. They make a bee-line for the coffee pot and spend a few minutes doctoring up their coffee with an assortment of sugar, cocoa, or sweeteners (blue or pink) plus the powdered cremer. It becomes part of the ritual of a meeting to try to make something drinkable out of whatever is available. If you’ve forgotten to eat, then some sugared coffee with cremer will hopefully get you through to your next meal.

After the meeting folks often go out for more coffee and laughs. Jacked up and giddy from coffee, it can be a lot of fun to hang out with friends in recovery. Coffee is also the drink of choice for serious one-on-one conversations with a sponsor or friend.

Like others, I drank immense amounts of coffee when I stopped drinking alcohol. I tried all the combinations (except artificial sweeteners) and learned firsthand that there is a downside to drinking coffee. The first problem is the jitters. Nervous anyway from giving up my old pal Liquor, I got distinctly jittery after a few cups of coffee. Then came the blood sugar drop that inevitably follows the spike coffee provides. Especially if I hadn’t eaten, I was ready for a nap by the end of the meeting but too cranked up to take one. Talk about “restless, irritable and discontent”—that was me after a few cups of coffee.

The second problem was getting to sleep at night. I know now that the half-life of caffeine is six hours. That means that if I drink two cups of coffee at noon, I still have one cup in me at six p.m. I was drinking cups of coffee at 8 p.m. meetings and wondering why I couldn’t get to sleep. I recently heard a young guy in a 7 p.m. meeting complain about not sleeping well. He was drinking Red Bull!

I learned to cut back on coffee at meetings. I switched to black tea, which has only half the caffeine of coffee, or to green tea, which has only a fourth. They don’t make it easy to drink tea at a meeting because if there is tea at all there’s no hot water. Or if there is hot water its in a carafe and tastes like weak coffee and makes a nasty cup of tea. It has gotten better over the years at some meetings but there is still have plenty of room for improvement.

Nowadays, I have my last dose of caffeine in the afternoon. I usually drink tea but there are times that coffee is still just the right thing. Coffee is a good digestive, it helps move the bowels, and it gets rid of some headaches. More than anything, coffee smells like fellowship and serenity. It’s a smell I will always love.

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